Anger - InPsych

Problem With Anger

Dealing with anger

Do you feel that your anger is out of your control at times and it becomes devastating to your life? Anger is like a fire which burns all your efforts into ash. Each person experiences anger in different levels, even though given a similar situations. Some people are better at managing their anger than others to prevent a chaos happen. So what are some of the strategies in managing anger?

WHAT IS ANGER?

Anger is a primary emotion experienced by human and animals. It is a natural, adaptive response to threats which allow us to fight and to defend ourselves when we are attacked. Anger is neither good nor bad. A certain amount of anger, therefore, is necessary to our survival.

Anger can be caused by both external and internal events. You could be angry at a specific person (e.g. a friend) or event (e.g. traffic jam), or your anger could be caused by emotional pains and trauma.

Anger becomes a problem when it is uncontrolled and leads to aggression,
impulsivity, and hostility.

Uncontrolled anger may cause you to:

Lose a significant relationship
Displace your aggression unnecessarily
Financial lost (e.g. broken items, medical bills, and legal charge)
Overlooking long-term goals in exchange for short-term relief

Below are some common responses when we are angry:

Physical: Increased heart-rate, chest tightness, rapid breathing, tremors, flushed face.
Psychological: Irritation, rage, resentful, self-blame/blaming others, sense of helplessness (e.g. can’t control anger)
Behaviorial: Explosive, withdrawn, impatient, revengeful, passive-aggressive behaviour (expressing anger at someone indirectly).

DEALING WITH ANGER

Three approaches we use to deal with anger:

Expressing: By revealing our anger directly or indirectly.
Suppressing: By inhibiting our anger and redirecting it to other forms of behaviour.
Calming: By controlling our anger through relaxation and self-soothing techniques.

So what can I do about it?
“Control your anger before it controls you”. Increase your self-awareness by focusing on your thoughts and body sensation. Ask yourself these questions:

What usually causes me to be angry?
What usually happens to my body when I am angry?
What do I tell myself when I’m angry?
How do I usually react when I am angry?
Have I hurt someone or something out of anger?

Change thoughts that fuel your anger:

Avoid using terms “must” or “should” (e.g. “he must answer my questions”, “I should get this right”) as you will feel angry when your expectations are not met.
Avoid using “never” or “always” to generalize your view on an event/person (e.g. “she never helped me”, “I always fail”). It will only justify your anger and distort your perception.
Zoom out to look into the bigger picture. Ask yourself how much this unhappy situation matters to you in 5 years time.

Improve your communication

Learn to respond and not to react. Responding is a conscious choice while reacting is purely emotional.
Seek to understand by listening. Focus on the underlying meaning the other person is trying to tell you. Avoid jumping into conclusion.
Practice assertive communication. Express your thoughts calmly and openly without being defensive or overly emotional.